an epiphany

Acceptance....

Love......

Trust.....

Respect.....

I guess I look for these in all my relationships be it with friends,family or colleagues. Very often I find myself feeling void and disappointed when people react to me in a negative way. I feel down when people do not accept me as a person.I thrive on trust and respect.When there is none to be found I feel short-changed and outraged even. I picture myself as being likeable and easy to get along with, if a little introverted.

Every once in a while I find myself in conflict with someone it really tears me apart. Case in point is Poh, our relationship or the lack thereof. I just cannot accept the fact that he and I just cannot get along. It got only worse when the Lyn issue came along and he got upset or angry in turn everytime we went out together. Or maybe the dynamic of the relationship between Khim and I over the last year or so. I felt so betrayed when she did things that were not in my best interests or so it seemed. I hated being taken for granted and having my pride taken away.Being treated like a second class citizen in my own home.
Joyce being upset with me after recent non-events were in my view even more traumatising than the actually break-up we had months ago. I felt comfort in the fact that although we were no longer an item, that we would always be friends no matter what happened. When Joyce stopped taking my calls and replying my SMSes I was devastated! She did not even give me a chance to explain or even give me the reasons why she was doing this.

I guess I am extremely sensitive to how people perceive me. I cannot comprehend in my finite wisdom why anyone would dislike me or hold a grudge against me.I do not see why I had to always be handed the short end of the stick just because the other party failed to recognise any value in my person. I never quite came to terms with how a person could just discard a relationship that I had so treasured so much like a bad habit.

I should somehow realise that I am not a perfect person and despite what I think myself to be that I am not everyone's piece of cake. There will always be people who will conspire against me. Circumstances will not always be in my favour.There will even be people who hate me! I cannot be all things to all people. There is little gain in falling into depression and feeling rotten that people do not appreciate me. I cannot fully expect people to fit into my world of ideals and love me inspite of myself.

The only thing I can do is to love myself, love those that love me and love those that hate me even more than either!

Sake and wine

Went to Ten's place for dinner.I got there early and did not get to help out in the kitchen.Instead I played xbox in the living room.Was fun for a while but I got bored in a hurry. I really like what Ten and Peilin did with the place. It has this hybrid zen and balinese deco thing going on. It is kinda cool and not your run-of-the-mill HDB flat.They really know how to think out of the box (which makes you wonder what they were doing in the box in the first place).
4 of Peilin's friends came over and I had the dubious distinction of being the one to cut the cake for everyone which was an obvious ploy to get me to interact with the gals being that I was the only unattached one in my group. I did not manage to get their numbers or anything but they were obviously intrigued by this scrawny guy with the corny sense of humour(I tried...by God...I tried!!) :P
Dinner was spagetti,chicken wings,salad and rojak(???).After that we had the afore mentioned cake,followed by a wonderful yoghurt dessert brought by Poh. There was also red and white wine to go around.I guess all the guys felt a little high but there was no brawling or naughty sexual deviance going on.
We also managed to view the wedding video (*yawn*except for the scenes me and Joyce were in),looked through the wedding pictures (*yawwnnnnn...) and ate till we dropped.

After dinner I dropped Faezah and Hasli at Chong Pang and then drove towards the general direction of Rachelle....

editors note: Poh drove in the wrong direction and ended up at the Sembawang end of Sembawang Road...but I digress....

Filled petrol....

Drove to Rachelle's place to pick up the little lady.

We 'agreed' to go to Mr Bean's for our 'coffee' session as we were getting kinda tired of the prata thing already.

When we got there we instead crossed over to the sushi place where we had sake and an assortment of raw and cooked foods. It was Rachelle's treat!!
After that we crossed over to Mr Bean's for drinks and cake. The Chocolate Truffle was great!Rachelle was entranced by the doggie at the next table...much to my chagrin...just joking....I think...

After we had settled things there we drove over to my place....to...errrm....look...at my...errr....PETS! Rachelle had been dying (not really...she was quite alive actually) to see Camou. So I took the opportunity to let her play with Camou. Initially Camou was rather shy and barked at the stranger in his midst...but as all stories have happy endings....in no time the two of them were nuzzling one another in the finest traditions of animalistic love.Rachelle also found much delight in my resident cats namely Monk,Poison and to a lesser extent U.J.

I went to the car to get my digicam to take pics of Camou and his paramour but Rachelle wanted to go back as it was getting late.*sigh* Another day another picture opportunity I always say.To be honest I have never said that..ever.

So I did my usual routine...drove the girl home...yadda yadda....u know the rest...

Got home, turned on my PC and chatted to Rachelle and Neeven for a bit then went to sleep.