a rant about my honey(or lack thereof)

I don't know what it is. But I seem to love being loved. And when I feel like I am not being loved, then I feel kinda blue.

I am on leave on the 1st till the 3rd of November as I have to start clearing my leave. If you include Saturday and Sunday that makes it about 5 days. I was thinking about going on a short trip out of the country with Joyce. Not far or to a fancy place. But alas, Joyce says she has 'no money' for a trip. It is not that I was not gonna pay for her as well. But what this incident shows is how unenthusiastic Joyce can be about stuff that matters to me. It is not the first time that I have brought up the subject of a holiday and likewise not the first time that I got a negative reply. We are both overdue for a holiday. It seems that her mind is on work and making hay while the sun is out and not on me. :P

I am an easy going guy. Sometimes too easy going for my own good. I allow people to step all over me at times. I just wish that Joyce would at least make me feel like an important part of her life and not a distraction from the 'important stuff'. It is bad enough when she comes out and says that we should not meet so often and spend less when we go out. To me money is not an issue when it is spent on someone you love. Likewise I do not mind making the effort to meet Joyce everyday. I love being with her and doing things with her. And even when we are together it feels like she is just bidding her time until she has to go home. I do not need reminders of how late it is or that we have to work the next day. The feeling is rotten when you have to come up with good solid reasons why you wanna meet up or end up not meeting at all. The same thing applies to the places we go to. I do not mind eating hawker food or eating at home, but when you make it a point to stinge on meals it leaves a bad taste in my mouth (pun not intended).It seems like double standards to me when you say that yet go out for Hi-tea with your frens, have good lunches with your colleagues and go to a restaurant with your mum for dinner yet do none of the above with me alone.

I do not understand why my fiancee does not want to spend more time with me. Life is short enough as it is.Whats gonna happen after we marry? Are we gonna live apart or in separate rooms?
This is not about money or quality time as it is about getting your priorities straight.I should rightfully be the most important thing/person in your life right now. But I do not feel treasured or loved most of the time.

*sigh*

Do I always have to be the one to SMS you first? Must I be the one that makes that call before bedtime? Am I that detestable that you could not bear to hug, let alone kiss me without me having to initiate it first? When was the last time you said or did anything for me just because?

It just feels like I am the one that has to make the changes and adapt to your way of life and not vice versa. I have literally re-arranged my life just so that you would feel at home in my world. Is there anything that you asked for that I have not within my power given to you?

to be continued....