it is beginning to look alot like Christmas

Signs that you’re going to have a blue, blue Christmas…

1. Your letter to Santa comes back with a handwritten note: “Wait long-long!”

2. Your present is ticking.

3. You’re not on Santa’s “Naughty” or “Nice” lists – you’re on his “Si Gin Nah” list.

4. You wake up on Christmas Day and see the words “He sees you when you’re sleeping” written in blood on your wall.

5. The only party invitation he brings you is for the People’s Action Party.

6. When you sit on his lap, he growls, “Eh, Pooi eh! Faster get off!”

7. Next to your presents is a bill for shipping, handling and GST.

8. You see Mommy doing more than just kissing Santa Claus.

9. You actually get two front teeth for Christmas.

10. And they’re not yours.

11. There’s a bunch of elves outside your door who says their “Tua Tao” wants to “settle” with you.

12. The reindeer all start sniggering when you open the box of chocolate chips he left you.

13. When he sees you, he doesn’t go “Ho! Ho! Ho!”, he nods meaningfully and says, “Nehmine…”

14. He doesn’t turn up personally. He sends that other guy who likes dressing up in red and white.

15. He gives your children toys that make sounds like a car alarm going off.

16. On Christmas Eve, he comes to your house – and takes stuff.

17. No presents – but there’s a reindeer head hanging outside your front door and sheets of paper with your photo and IC number pasted all over your void deck.