Hands by Jewel

One of my favourite songs by Jewel. Just love her music and was fortunate enough to see her in concert here in Singapore when she dropped in on her first tour here.

If I could tell the world just one thing
it would be that we're all o.k.
And not to worry
cause worry is wasteful
And unless in times like these
I won't be made useless
I wont be idled with dispair
I will gather myself around my faith
for light does the darkness most fear

I guess lots been happening around me lately which I have little or no control over. I am the sort who likes to be able to contribute to help those around me but sometimes even I cannot do much.

First there is all the stuff about Agnes and her going back to study for her Master's. I just wish I could be of more help and assistance to her as she decides what she wants to do with her life. But it is something outside of my realm for the most part. All I can do is be supportive and offer up my two cents worth whenever she needs it.

Then there is the situation Noel is in. His entertainment company is on the verge of collaspse and he is seriously considering pulling the plug on it to cut his losses. He cannot compete with all the unscrupulous fly-by-night companies out there that can offer much cheaper shows than he does. This coupled with a burdgeoning staff strength and an upward spiral in rentals makes it hard to maintain the business. Anyone who knows me and Noel would know that we are very close although lately we have both been pre-occupied with our own lives to really enjoy 'brotherly' moments like we used to. I hate seeing him lose all that he has worked so hard to build with his own sweat, blood and tears over these years. Admittedly he lack the guile to run a business but he definitely has the drive and focus to succeed. Just that sometimes in life, the good guys lose and the bad guys ruin it for the rest of us.

Camou's health is another concern of mine. I love the little bitch spawn to bits and it is heart breaking to see this in this state. I guess for the longest time we were both in the same boat. Two beings placed on earth just to brighten up one anothers lives. He needed someone to care for him and I was looking for someone/something to shower my love upon. It was a perfect combination. But somewhere along the line I found love with Agnes and he suffered this fate. We did not go out as often as we used to and when we did it was never the same. Agnes and I love Camou to bits and want to see him well again. If there was anything I could do to see him through his dark period in his little puppy life,I would do it. But things seem to be picking up for the little critter.

The last of my concerns is the new stuff at work. Work seems like it is gonna increase triple-fold. Even with the inclusion of Hasli into the fold I do not see how we can make it work. I just hate how upper management implements such sweeping changes without considering the implications it may have on the staff. How are we gonna cope with the sudden increase in workload within the constraints of time, manpower and staff morale is beyond me. And the burden of making this hair-brained scheme work falls upon me. Times like these makes me wanna just give up and quit. Seems pointless to always be fighting uphill battles and meeting others unrealistic expectations. Something has got to give sooner or later. How am I supposed to lead and guide MY staff when I myself seem to uncertain and critical of it. It is easy to say to be professional and to say that over time the problems will iron themselves out. Change is good..yadda...yadda...yadda...

My hands are small, I know,
but they're not yours they are my own
but they're not yours they are my own
and I am never broken

I just hate feeling so helpless and unable to do anything as all around me things seems to be falling apart. Maybe a bit melodramatic there but you get the idea. I am sure in time Agnes will find her calling, Camou will get well, the shit at work will become an non-issue and Noel will move on to bigger and better things. But till then I still cannot help but feel weak and powerless.

Poverty stole your golden shoes
but it didn't steel your laughter
And heartache came to visit me
but i knew it wasnt ever after

I know that at times I worry too much about the people and things around me. But that is the part of me that makes me me. Always wanting the best for those I love and hold dear. After the fact I may come to the realisation that there was nothing to worry about but still I cannot help feeling that things are coming apart at the seams. Things may not be as bad as they look right now.

May God bless us all.