Bloglitics. by Kenny Sia

(also known as easy steps to a successful blog):

Having blogged for so long, here are some of the things I've learnt thus far.

Bloglitics = Blog politics. It is inevitable. Anything you do or write will be used against you. Whatever you put on your blog, there's ALWAYS people out there who will be offended.

What can you write on your blog?

If you write about your daily life, people will say that your daily life is very boring.

If you don't write about your daily life, people will say that you have no life.

If you post photos of yourself in your blog, people will say you are an attention-seeking bitch.

If you don't post photos of yourself in your blog, people will say you're an ugly-looking anonymous coward hiding behind the computer screen.

If you post Photoshopped photos of yourself in your blog, people will say you are fake.

If you post un-Photoshopped photos of yourself in your blog, people will say you cause infertility.

If you link and write good things about other bloggers, people are gonna say you're an ass-kisser.

If you link and write bad things about other bloggers, people are gonna say you're just jealous.

If you praise Singaporean girls, people are gonna think you're putting down Malaysian girls.

If you defend Malaysian girls, people are gonna think you have something against Singaporean girls.

If you write about your conservative lifestyle, people will say you're a right-wing evangelising religious nut trying to force other people to lead your lifestyle.

If you write about your liberal lifestyle, people will say you're a sex-crazed attention-seeking exhibitionist slut who enjoys baring your titties on the Internet.

If you post photos of pretty girls on your blog, no matter how pretty you think they are, there will ALWAYS be people out there who say they're ugly.

If you write jokes on your blog, people will say you're not funny.

If you write satirical jokes on your blog, there will ALWAYS be someone who don't get it and turn all angry and upset over it.

If you create a personality quiz on your blog in the name of fun, people will say your readers have no personality.

If you have ads on your blog, people will say you're selling out.

If you don't have ads on your blog, people will say you're stupid for not trying to make easy money.

If you leave your comments and site address on other blogs, people will say you're site-whoring.

If you get featured in the newspaper because of your blog, people will say you're a fame whore.

If you reject the newspaper's request for an interview, people will say you're a stuck-up bitch.

If you write socio-political blogs, people will say you are boring.

If you don't write socio-political blogs, people will say you are infantile.

If you write in perfect English, people will say you're a hao-lian elitist.

If you write in casual colloquial English, people will say you cannot write at all.

If you write about Malaysian issues, people will say you're trying to imitate Jeff Ooi.

If you rant and diss using words like 'dipshit' and 'dumbfucks', people will say you're trying to imitate Maddox.

And if you write an entry like this, people will say you're trying to imitate mr brown.

If you follow these simple rules, then I can assure you that you're well on your way to bloglitically-correct superstar-dom.