The Magic of Eye Contact

Read this article today and agree with it. I have been guilty of doing it as well.That is also part of the reason why I make eye contact and greet tourists when I see them in town and not the locals.

I THINK I know why the annual courtesy campaigns do not have much success. And it isn't that Singaporeans are rude or inconsiderate.

It hit me this morning as I was walking to my car. An Indian gentleman cycled past me. He smiled and I acknowledged him with a nod and a "good morning". We have been doing this for a few mornings.

Then, a Chinese gentleman in his late 50s walked towards me, keeping his eyes focused in front of him. We passed each other without a word.

And that was when it hit me. The reason I said good morning to one person I didn't know, yet ignored another, had nothing to do with age or race but everything to do with eye contact.

I don't understand why Singaporeans find making eye contact difficult. Maybe, it has to do with their upbringing. In England, it is common to look at people and say "hello" as you pass them in the streets.

There have been many times when I'm in a lift in Singapore and someone walks in, presses a button and proceeds to stare at the lift door. When the doors open, they walk out as if I didn't exist. I find this behaviour strange and rude.

People sitting on the MRT "pretend" to read or sleep and refuse to look up. They avoid making eye contact at all costs.

And this is why pregnant women and the elderly are forced to stand on trains and buses. People avoid looking at a person on his feet struggling with many bags because if they make eye contact, something magical happens.

That struggling person will become a fellow human being and you will feel some degree of pity or sympathy for him. If not, you will feel guilty and all these feelings will force you to do what is correct — stand up and offer your seat.

I also look at the person who serves me in a shop or restaurant and if they look back, the barrier that separates friends from strangers disappears and both will end up either smiling at each other or saying hello or thank you.

My wife, who is Singaporean, initially found it strange that people would say hello to me but not her when we were in a lift or the neighbourhood.

I remember a maid who said hello as she passed by. My wife asked who she was, to which I replied I had no idea.

"Why did she say hello to you and not to me?" she asked suspiciously.

"Because I also said hello to her," I replied (not adding that my wife did not glance in the maid's direction until after she'd greeted me).

Every morning, I wait with about five other people at the bus stop, yet no one acknowledges the presence of the others — except for this gentleman and me.

We only exchange good mornings. I have never asked him for his name or where he works. And as others jostle to get on the bus, I'd pause and say, "you go first" and he'd either reply "thank you" or "It's okay, after you".

Eye contact first, show consideration second.

So the next time you pass by someone, don't ignore him or her. Make eye contact, smile and say hello. Before you know it, you will be holding the door open for others. And you'll suddenly realise how eye contact can make your day so wonderful.