Top Ways to Beat the Heat Without an Air Con

1. Go and wash your car. Sure rain shortly after that.

2. Try to buaya a supermodel. She’ll give you the cold shoulder.

3. Go to 7-11 and buy a Slurpee and drink it real fast. You will kena brain freeze.

4. The same effect can be achieved by watching any MediaCock channel.

5. Go to the Jurong Bird Park and get a lap dance from a penguin.

6. Drink lots of beer. It may warm you up even more, but then you won’t notice after a while.

7. Go and surf the Young PAP website. It will chill you to the bone.

8. Go to Geylang and ask a China mei mei how much for a blow job, then offer $2 for her to just blow the hot air away from you.

9. Go and kachau the Gahmen and let the ISD give you the Air-Con Treatment.

10. Use a very big stick. (Okay, so that was si beh corny, but who can think properly in such hot weather?)

11. Stand in Moses Lim’s shadow.

12. Get hit by a car. Enjoy the breeze as you fly through the air.

13. Become a Minister. Earn a million bucks to buy yourself a tok kong fan.

14. Join the PAP. Enjoy the frosty glare of your friends.

15. Apply for a permit to conduct a political demonstration. If it’s granted, even hell will freeze over.

-shamelessly pillaged from talkingcock.com