Had a talk with Noel about what had transpired at the Keeper's Night yesterday. And he came back with all the bad sentiments from my former colleagues regarding Biswajit. Seems that hardly anyone gets along with him and that he has rubbed more than a few people the wrong way.
I have never quite articulated the what's and why's of the circumstances that lead to my resigning from the zoo to my friends and family. I literally grew up in the zoo and always aspired one day to actually gain employment at the place I loved so much. I was feeling rather aimless at my current job at Popular Bookshop. There were cliques and politics aplenty. Worst of all, I was bypassed for a much deserved promotion, in favour of one of my manager's lapdogs. So it was only a matter of time before I left Popular for more gainful employment. The zoo was always on my mind and when the time came to make that jump, I did so with no hesitation.

I was finally in the place that I always hoped I would be. The Zoo.
But as I began my first day of work I already felt kind of out of place. Things did not go as smoothly as I had envisioned. It was not only Fragile Forest required a different skill set from anything that I had expected but more that there was overwhelming expectations on my part and on the part of my superiors,namely Pauline and Bis. I wanted so badly to do well, rise up through the ranks and make a career out of taking care of animals. But alas the reality of my situation set in. There was little joy in the work I was doing.

Firstly there were already battle lines drawn in the sand even before I got there. Apparently Pauline and Bis had seemingly ostracised Rubiah, the other staff there. So whatever they did was to ensure Rubiah had a hard time as possible. As for myself, I had to choose between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea. Had to choose between making good with the bosses and further isolating Rubiah, or taking Rubiah's side and digging my own grave. As such it became a delicate task of trying to be neutral and taking the side of whomever I was with at that particular moment. Not very honest but it was what I had to do to maintain some semblance of sanity.

Then there was this silly rule they made up that I was 'strongly encouraged' to study during lunch rather than rest,as everyone else in the zoo was apt to do. So my lunch time was spent reading the books in our library. The job we did was both physically tiring and mentally taxing. So as you can imagine by the end of the day I was totally knocked out.

Of course the clincher in many respects was that throughout my 3 years stint in the zoo I consistently got some of the lowest grades in my annual assessments each year. If anyone has seen some of the other keepers in the zoo, it did not make any sense that I despite my education, enthusiasm,deep knowledge and hard work ethic was ranked lowest in the entire zoology section. They had set the bar so high for me that I had literally no hope for any long term career in the zoo. Many of the other keepers were appalled at that when obviously I was one of the better keepers around. I did have my supporters and sympathisers, but it was a rather moot point.

As such I became a drag to be around at work. I was depressed and demoralised. I hardly spoke to anyone as any of the keepers would attest to. I was like a zombie. Hardly spoke, always moody. Was obvious that things were not working out the way I had hoped. My dream job had become a living nightmare. I contemplated a transfer to another section, but in the end the choice I had to make was obvious. My position had become untenable. If I stayed I would have had little or no prospects. It broke my heart to have to leave but knew that if I stayed it would be more of the same.I loved the environment, the friends I made and most of all the animals. But I could always go back to the zoo anytime I wanted as a visitor anyway. I did not burn any bridges with all the people who mattered and I still think they would welcome me back if I ever decided to return some day.

After hearing what Noel and various people have said regarding the culture at the zoo now, I am glad I left. The zoo has become an office like any other. Many of the staff are miserable and just doing what they have to do to make sure their salaries are paid at the end of the month. But really the heart and soul of the place has been extinguished. The smiles and joy that once filled the place are gone.

And for all of this I have to thank Bis for being the boss from hell. Glad I made the choice I did to leave then. Look at me now. At what I have done since, how far I have come and who I found along the way.

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