Love is a complex emotion, but most of us agree that it requires trust, respect, communication, communication and communication. Now that you've met someone online and actually said, "I love you," it's time to make your love real. Use these ten secrets to make your relationship last.

1. Keep on courting.Whatever you did to win your partner is worth repeating. Don't take love for granted. Continue with flowers, candy and thoughtful messages declaring, "I'm thinking of you," and "I miss you." The sum of all these little things will be greater than its parts.

2. Share responsibilities and control.Both of you should plan and arrange your dates. Resist the constricting roles of leader-follower, host-guest and driver-passenger. Romance requires energy and enthusiasm from both of you.

3. Focus on common interests.Work and responsibilities have a tendency to take over our personal lives. Remember to make time for the activities you both enjoy. This requires thoughtful planning in advance if you're going to attend that important concert or sports event.

4. Allow for separate interests.Participate in at least one non-professional activity that doesn't involve your partner. You can't be together 24/7, and everyone needs a hobby. It may seem odd to schedule time apart, but even short absences make the heart grow fonder.

5. Learn something new together.Take lessons, enroll in a class or participate in an endeavor that involves something altogether new to both of you. Maybe it's skydiving or painting or learning to dance. The point is to combine two pasts into a single present and a united future.

6. Establish traditions.Eat the same special meal each month to celebrate the day you met. Email each other at the same time each day. Make Saturday's your night. The goal is to create moments that are meaningful to you as a couple.

7. Write and send love notes.Handwritten letters are infinitely more romantic than store-bought cards. Expressing what's in your heart is more important than being poetic, so don't panic. If your handwriting sucks, hire a calligrapher. If you're creative, include a poem or a song.

8. Make your time together quality time.The trick is to be in tune with your partner. You don't have to be psychic. Just be observant, attentive and a good listener. A relationship means sharing joys and concerns - even when you don't cause them. And if your partner needs to let off steam, your empathy is what matters. You don't need to offer a solution.

9. Stay fit.Practice good health. Your body is important for romance. Take care of it.

10. Talk to each other.Romantic fires keep burning with the sparks that come from communication, communication and more communication.

Ora et labora

'Ora et labora' means 'pray and work' in latin. It has nothing to do with my article , maybe except for the 'work' part...

Read some articles in the Straits Times; 'I was a Bad girl' by Clara Chow and 5 letters to the Forum page in response to "Pray, let the children play" by Mr. Patrick Tan on 8th July. In both the article as well as the letters, the writers expounded on how children nowadays have little else besides their schoolwork and related activities.

Being an advocate for the need to strike a healthy balance in the 'education' of our children, I do feel that too much emphasis is placed on academic pursuits at the expense of our kids having a balanced outlook on life. Singapore is indeed a competitive place in which to grow up. Parents look for the best schools, the best tutors and provide the best studying environment for our kids in the hope that one day they become doctors, lawyers or engineers. It is all very noble and just on the surface, but the outcome of such a system are kids that are exam smart and little else. Maybe in the Singapore context it may not seem that bad that our kids excel in their studies. Our cohorts are regularly among the best in the world.

But one only has to go and have a chat with a kid of similiar age in Europe or the US to realise that our kids have less social skills and creativity compared to their friends across the Atlantic and the Pacific. General knowledge and social consciousness is also found lacking. This comparision can also be made a little closer to our neighbours in India or China.

Our kids grow up too fast and too soon. I recently read a primary one school text and found to my horror that kids nowadays are learning the same stuff we learnt, only earlier!
My fondest memories of growing up were of the stuff i did outside of school. The football matches on soggy open fields. The neighbourhood bicycle gangs. The treks into the nature reserves. The school yard fights. Hanging out at Far East Plaza after school. Ahhh...those were the days.

Acting Health Minister Khaw Boon Wan recently implored our youth 'to be rebellious. Because if you are just conforming to the social norms, then you are merely following our footpath which may not be relevant for you...'. Singapore yearns to be a more gracious society. Singapore wants to develop a more cosmopolitan outlook among our citizens. I do believe that it all begins at home.Then at school! Our education system has to make allowances for our children to expand their horizons and to let our kids taste life for better or for worse. Parents are overly protective and overly zealous over their kids, that their kids spend most of their after school hours doing revision, 10 year series and attending tuition classes.

I will never allow my own kids to have such a life. I will want them to lead balanced and full lives. There will be time to play. Time to learn. A time to love. A time to fall and a time to rise above.

For men every inch counts

aka How To Drive Like A Man 101:

1. Never, ever signal. That's too sissy.

2. When approaching a red light, switch to the lane with the least number of cars even if you risk an approaching car rear-ending you. Even if it rear-ends you, it's their fault. Tough luck.

3. If you get unceremoniously stuck behind a waiting bus, swing out instantly. Imagine the humiliation otherwise.

4. Never, ever take detours. If you get off the wrong slip road, don't panic. Back up. Your reverse lights will do a good enough job of letting other road users approaching at 90km/h know that you're trying to go against the traffic.

5. By all means, make sudden lane changes. Life would be so boring otherwise.

6. Inch forward at impending green light. For a man, every little inch counts.

7. Never be caught grabbing your steering wheel with both hands. For maximum laidback-look effect, hang on to wheel with left hand resting on thigh. The right hand is purely cosmetic. Rest elbow on wound-down window so people will actually see that you're a one-arm steerman.

8. Still on the topic of perfecting that laidback look, a golden rule is: The seat can never be at anything less than a 45 degree angle. The lower you crank it, the better, even if it means you're practically on your back.

9. Honking is so last millennium. Headlight-flashing is so yesterday. Today's intimidation method of choice: Tailgate.

10. Always try and look busy to give the illusion that you're a multi-tasker. Talk on the phone, or better yet, read the papers.

Let the fireworks begin!!

Sunday

The plan was to meet Joyce for church, dinner and then fireworks at the Fireworks Festival. I had wanted to do something else instead of watching fireworks but I am glad that common sense prevailed in the end.

Picked Joyce up from home at around 1. Drove to Suntec. As they had not let the flock in, we took a walk around Suntec to look for bikini's (for Joyce, not me). When we got back to the Rock Auditorium everyone was already in and Joyce had not yet found a bikini she liked.
We went to the overflow room on the 6th floor.

Great message from Pastor this week...again.

After that we walked through Millenia and Marina Square on our neverending bikini search. The pickings were rather skimpy to say the least.
Had Dinner at Thai Express at the esplanade. It was the beginning of something bad. I have eaten at other outlets before but things were never this bad. The service was bad. As simple as that. To start off, the waiters were unattentive. No one attended to us when we first came. The same applied to taking our orders when we were finally seated. The food took like forever to come. And when the food did finally come it was a wrong order for me. So I sent it back to the kitchen. Joyce had already finished her meal and my dish had still not come! When I enquired with a few waiters regarding it, no one really took any action. One waitress even quoted that I had ordered the dish I had sent back! Anyone who knows me would know that I am very easygoing and would normally back down from making a scene of any sort. But this time I demanded good service. In the end I did get what I ordered and was billed correctly. Maybe a lesson for me to be more assertive! On a sidenote of sorts, I was not the only one frustrated by the bad service. Other tables also kicked up a fuss about their orders. Another bad point was how no one attended to people in the queue outside.There was this caucasian couple waiting outside for close to 20 minutes for a table although there were at least 6 empty tables inside the restaurant. The problem was further excaberated when it started to rain and there was already a long queue outside.Instead of showing the people in the queue in or letting them wait inside where it is drier, they were left to wait in the rain! There was also the slight oversight of people not in the queue coming in by the service entrance and getting tables themselves whilst the people in the queue outside waited to be attended to. The food was good, the service was horrible. We got in the restaurant at just after 5. We paid our bill at 6.45. Not bad way to kill time since the fireworks display started at 8.

Walked back to the car to get an umbrella (as the skies looked threatening) and my camera and a mat(just in case we needed to sit on the ground).

Made it back to the Fireworks festival. Was as though everyone and everyone's mother, father, mother-in-law, father-in-law, brother and sister was there. The show began 10 minutes late. It was really great. Well worth all the waiting, the sweaty bodies, the bad service and the braving the rain to see.

Went back to Joyce's place....still no bikini...another day, another battle....

Thoughts on the day:

A good day. I really do think me and Joyce are getting back together. Not everyone may think it is a good idea after all that happened to get us to this point. But I really do love her still.Always have and probably always will. The last few months without her were by far the hardest few months I ever had to go through. Never been so low, nor so depressed before about anyone or anything.
We did all the things couples do. It was as though not a day has passed since we parted. I do know that she misses me sorely as well. For one day all is right in our respective universes. No idea where the road will lead us to this time, but I sure would like to find out....

Sake in the art house

worked in the morning.

After work got a message from Jackie *cue lightning,thunder and all assorted inclement weather* . She wanted to return me my towel and get back the t-shirt I loaned from her. So I met her at her place. No way I want that woman to know where I live.

With that done, I drove to pick up Lisa. We were gonna go to Bras Basah Complex to get art supplies. Lisa had some projects she was working on. Bras Basah was my old stomping ground when I was in lower secondary. It seems like the place has withstood the winds of time. It is almost unchanged despite all the development around it.

We spent our time at Sagacity and Art Friend. After getting our stuff we drove over to Orchard Cineplex to catch a movie. I believe the title was 'Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter And Spring'. It is not that I dun enjoy arthouse films but this is one of those that looks good and nothing else. It was kinda cute and almost nostalgic for the spring part, but it went downhill from there. The Summer part was more a sexual awakening for the protagonist. Fall: falling from grace,murder and a man on the run from the law(read into that what you will). Winter...the return of the Ki..I mean monk. And spring...ahhh....it is like spring all over again..wait a minute! It is spring!
Review: If you like great cinematography and magnificient scenery go watch the movie, if not do not touch it with a ten foot pole.

After the movie, we had ice cream,Then we went to UE Square/ Mohamad Sultan Road for dinner. Did I mention that Lisa's friend joined us for the movie? And that she also joined us for the dinner? Nope? I din think so either...

Had some Japanese food (and not to mentiona whole bottle of sake!!). Unfortunately no one got drunk and all of us got home safely.

I walked Lisa up to her doorstep, looked deep into her eyes, moved closer..and did nothing!! Hahahaaa...

Drove home.

Conclusion:
After having 2 great dates with Lisa, this was the rubber match. An impromptu meeting up and a chance to meet some of the company she keeps. That means I get to see Lisa as she is when she is not with me. Not that she puts up a front or anything, but sometime we all tend to look at the world through rose tinted glasses. This was a chance to delve deeper into who Lisa really is.
Since it was an impromptu meeting we had nothing else but what Lisa wanted to do which was to get her art stuff and to watch the movie. The art stuff part was ok as I do enjoy artistic expression myself. But the movie sucked. Her friend sucked. Of the couple who joined us for dinner later only the girlfriend showed any interest in me (eeps!!). Though no fault of Lisa's I think her friends suck. It was only the first time meeting them and it may be too early to judge them like that. So in a way the day did kinda burst my bubble of how ideal Lisa is for me. She is absolutely a joy to be with and I enjoyed every moment we shared together. We did not exactly have as good a time as we had previously which is expected.

Lobsters, crabs and other crustaceans

Friday

Got up at my usual time that I get up for work. Was going to Johore with Joyce and her mum for lunch! I was near Yishun when I realised that I did not have my passport with me so I had to turn back and get it.
I then drove back to pick up the 2 ladies. We stopped by on the way to Woodlands checkpoint to top up fuel because of the pesky 3/4 tank rule. We then took the route to Perling to have breakfast. After breakfast we made the across-the-state to Penggerang. Made in there just in time for lunch!
Had a good meal consisting of lobsters(buttered and chillied) and chilli crab.Never ate so much of those in one sitting. The food was great but the main selling point is the price. Our entire meal came up to RM 200.Not bad considering what we ate.

After that heavy meal, we once again made an across-the-state trek back to go to shop for groceries at this huge warehouse like supermarket called Makro. The stuff there is really cheap and lotsa people go there to buy stuff in bulk. My only grouses are that their trolley's dun work like normal ones in that the rotating wheel is at the back and not the front which makes it difficult to navigate the aisles if you have to turn but works fine if you are only going straight. Being the only guy I was naturally enlisted to perform the task which I did not really mind. The other grouse is that they dun give you bags to put your groceries in!! So you gotta like load the stuff in the car one by one unless you bring your own bags or buy the ones they sell there.

We then drove to the Johor Bahru city centre for dinner! (as it was already close to dinner time :P) We opted to eat at the yong tau foo place we heard near Taman Sentosa.After much walking,driving and phone call we found the restaurant almost by accident. Needless to say the food was crap. I wonder why so many people recommend the place. Joyce mum ate most of the food as Joyce and I ate bits and pieces. We had other dinner plans. In the end the laksa was left largely uneaten. We then crossed over the street to the other side (obviously!) to eat at the Japanese ramen place we could see. We tried the unagi fried rice and the egg chicken ramen thingy. They also had this train like thing on the restaurant that had Joyce's mum mesmerised whilst Joyce and I ate.

We then made our way back to the causeway. It was jammed but we made it across eventually . Thank God I got my car fixed before our trip. I dun think it woulda made it in one piece considering all the driving and jams we encountered. Sunny gave a good account for herself.

I then drove them home where I helped unload the groceries (with no bags). We improvised using the bags I had in the car and those we got from other shops. I then sat around the house for a bit til it was time to go...

Had a good time all things considered. Got to spend more time with Joyce. I was physically drained at the end of it, but I think it was worth the effort...