did you hear the one about the platypus and the...

The ultimate unlucky thing that happened to me yesterday was that when I was crossing the road, a Platypus waddled up to me, and stood beside me.

I glared at it.

It ignored me. In fact, it was just standing there, looking at the green light patiently in a dignified manner.

CAN SOMEONE TELL ME WHY I ALWAYS MEET STUPID ANIMALS WHEN I AM CROSSING THE ROAD?! First it was a chicken, and then it was a donkey, and now, a PLATYPUS??!

I continued glaring at it.

I mean, it is RUDE of the platypus to stand there, like it is an equal to men! I don't care what stupid female environmentalists are saying about this, but I don't want to share my human road with a smelly platypus!

Come to think of it, I think this platypus is not local. Maybe it is a REFUGEE!!!! Anyway, it must be, must be, an illegal immigrant! Wait till I catch it, then I shall sell it to the zoo WAHHAHAHA maybe police because it is a refugee platypus!!

How do I start how do I start... If I just jump clean on top of it to try to pin it down, it must get offended and peck me with its beak. The beak looks flat and vicious.

I better do small talk.

Things like small talk, Xiaxue is better lah. I am an engineer what... I don't have friends to talk to, coz when I talk, I only talk about engineering stuff, and no one's interested. Weird, I have been working the whole day and i want to complain what, why can't anyone be nice!

OH DEAR, THE LIGHTS ARE AMBER!!!

Better put on a placid smile first.

"Hi Mr Platypus," I said in my best jaunty voice. Sounds a little like an elephant farting.

"Yo mate!" the ugly Platypus replied, nonetheless.

Definitely Australian, I told myself. Quick, think of something Australian to say!


"Say, is that Billabong you are wearing then, mate?"

"WTF?"

"Eh, I mean, did you watch Miss Universe, Australia won yeah? Pretty."

"Yeah the Oz won. Mind you, that Kangaroo was so cocky when he saw me. Cocky Kangaroo! Kangarooy cock! Ha ha ha ha ha."

He begin to laugh deeply at his own joke.

"Eh, so you not Australian?" I asked.

"Insulted mate! I'm from the great Britian! I am from the land of the wrinkly Queen! And I am proud to be a British platypus! Mind you, we have Harry Potter, and Enid Blyton and Beckham! What more does a nation want?"

"Well, we have char siew and chicken rice ... "

"I don't understand what you are talking about, mate, are you mocking me? I may be a platypus, a British one mind you, but I am not stupid! Say, do you want to cross the road with me?"

"Eh no."

The platypus looked scandalised. "WHY?" he screamed in a high pitched voice, not unlike a platypus would.

"Eh ... " How can I tell him gently that I don't wanna cross the road with a filthy platypus like him, and I also want to catch him to sell him to the zoo?

"Eh eh eh you great prude, speak up!", he said, breaking my thread of thought.

"Don't imitate me!"

"Well you did speak that way, mate! Say, while you take such a long time to decide what to make up your speech off, could you help me take a photo? Of me standing right here leaning on this lovely fire extinguisher here? There there, lovely."

He handed me a wet camera. WTF?? Why is his camera wet? Is he supposed to come out of the water anyway??

Stupid platypus.

It's time to act.

"Would you like to play catching with me? I'll run after you with a giant net and see if I can catch u, how's that?"

"Sure thing mate! Sounds fun!"

I pulled out a giant butterfly net out of no where and caught the stupid platypus in a jiffy.

"HA YOU STUPID PLATYPUS!" I announced in triumph. "THATS FOR BEING A REFUGEE IN SINGAPORE! I SHALL SELL YOU TO THE ZOO!"

"You kid me not, human," the refugee platypus actually shrieked in laughter.

"WHATS SO FUNNY!"

"Well first of all, I am not a refugee, I am an expatriate. And secondly, I've been in Singapore for years! YOU EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE THAT LIE ABOUT SELLING ME TO THE ZOO? You tink I'm a kid? 'Ah girl, you don't finish your porridge mommy sell you to the zoo then you know yadda yadda" nonsense is too commonly used as a threat! I am not scared!" said the expatriate platypus in a horrible smirking manner.

"Eh, you are not a refugee?" I asked tentatively.

"That's right! Now get me out of this net please."

"NO! I still can sell you to the zoo and earn some money! And a talking expat platypus! Wait till the SPGs hear about this, they will swarm to the zoo in flocks! HWAHAHAHAH I AM A GENIUS!"

The platypus stared at me, and promptly chewed his way through the net to freedom.

I looked on in horror, then it hit me:

"HEY I just realised you were pretending when you said you don't understand what is char siew or chicken rice! LIAR! BLUFF ME!"

"Well," the (sexy) expat platypus said, "I don't like that stuff. Anyway, you have offended my rights as a platypus, as horrid as my name sounds with platy and pus inside, but that's not the point. The point is, I am gonna peck you to death if you cannot answer this question of mine:



Besides the platypus, what is the other mammal that lays eggs?

*pinched from http://wehatexiaxue.blogspot.com*

the love calculator

I tried the Love Calculator just for fun and Agnes and I got 99%!! Woo-hooo!!!

Of course there was this disclaimer:

Dr. Love thinks that a relationship between Leon Boyd and Agnes Chin has a very good chance of being successful, but this doesn't mean that you don't have to work on the relationship. Remember that every relationship needs spending time together, talking with each other etc.

and this:

Disclaimer: It's not possible to get a hundred per cent probabilty, therefore there's no guarantee of any kind that the relationship will work out between these two people. No record is being kept of any information entered by the user of this program. The creators of this program are in no way liable of any actions which might be taken by users of this program. Please note that this site has no serious intention whatsoever.

Bwaahahahaaaa...

Love?

A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.
A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance.

Sexual passion.
Sexual intercourse.
A love affair.
An intense emotional attachment, as for a pet or treasured object.
A person who is the object of deep or intense affection or attraction; beloved. Often used as a term of endearment.
An expression of one's affection: Send him my love.

A strong predilection or enthusiasm: a love of language.
The object of such an enthusiasm: The outdoors is her greatest love.
Love Mythology. Eros or Cupid.
often Love Christianity. Charity.
Sports. A zero score in tennis.

v. loved, lov·ing, loves
v. tr.
To have a deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward (a person): We love our parents. I love my friends.
To have a feeling of intense desire and attraction toward (a person).
To have an intense emotional attachment to: loves his house.

To embrace or caress.
To have sexual intercourse with.
To like or desire enthusiastically: loves swimming.
Theology. To have charity for.
To thrive on; need: The cactus loves hot, dry air.

v. intr.
To experience deep affection or intense desire for another.

Idioms:
for love
Out of compassion; with no thought for a reward: She volunteers at the hospital for love.
for love or money
Under any circumstances. Usually used in negative sentences: I would not do that for love or money.
for the love of
For the sake of; in consideration for: did it all for the love of praise.
in love
Deeply or passionately enamored: a young couple in love.
Highly or immoderately fond: in love with Japanese painting; in love with the sound of her own voice.
no love lost
No affection; animosity: There's no love lost between them.

Good friday and Easter stuff

Above all powers, Above all Kings
Above all nature and all created things
Above all wisdom and all the ways of man
You were here before the world began

Above all kingdoms, Above all thrones
Above all wonders the world has ever known
Above all wealth and treasures of the earth
There's no way to measure what You're worth

Crucified and laid behind the stone
You lived to die, rejected and alone
Like a rose trampled on the ground
You took the fall and thought of me
Above all

I guess this is the time of year where I re evaluate my priorities in life. Too many times in this life we get so caught up in the day to day stuff that we sometimes miss out on the big picture of where we fit in God's plan.
I guess I have lots to be thankful for this year. 1/3 of my wish for 2005 has already been fulfilled beyond my greatest expectations. The other 1/3 is coming so soon I could almost feel it. The last part though is the hardest but I serve a God of the Impossible.

Here I am waiting
Abide in me I pray
Here I am longing for You

Hide me in Your love
Bring me to my knees
May I know Jesus more and more

Come live in me
All my life take over
Come breathe in me
And I will rise on eagles wings

I guess i will never know the price that was paid upon that cross....

I'm forgiven because You were forsaken
I'm accepted, You were condemned
I'm alive and well
Your spirit is within me
Because You died and rose again

Amazing love, how can it be
That You my King, would die for me
Amazing love, I know it's true
It's my joy to honor You
In all I do I honor You

You are my King
You are my King
Jesus, You are my King
Jesus, You are my King

false dawns

It has not been one of my better weeks...

Been unwell from last week. Down with the flu. Felt like crap. Only now been able to return to anywhere near my normal self. Did not get MC except for the day where I went to see the doc...

Agnes came over yesterday for our annual family tradition:The Easter Dinner. Second only to the Christmas Dinner in importance in the Boyd Family calendar. Noel, Paula,Mum and dad were there, along with our menagerie of felines and canines.
After dinner me and Agnes spent a little *ahem* quality time together in my room. It seems the last few weeks have been a blur. We both seemed preoccupied with places to go and people to meet. Sometimes we forsake the ones closest to us. But we made it through.

On Good Friday, the office guys(and gals) including Ten and wife spent the day at St. John's Island. Was nice, although a tad inconvenient with all the travelling and odd ferry times. The guys went on the first ferry. Agnes and myself opted for the second ferry much to Hasli chagrin. Guess he was pissed that we sprung the last minute no-show on him. Agnes and myself were not feeling good that day as alluded to above. So a few extra hours of shut eye was welcome. By the time Agnes and I got there things were already in full swing.
Had a great time playing 'Monkey' using of all things a coconut we found on the shore. Thank goodness we did not play Dodgeball...
By 4pm it was a mad rush to the ferry terminal for a ferry that took forever to come. I guess there was a slight mix up in the timings.
After getting back to the mainland, we all had dinner at the food centre opposite WTC (Harbourfront...Vivo City ...or whatever they call themselves now). The fried rice and hor fun we ordered was crap and took forever to come. Grr...
After dinner we all set off on our own separate ways. Agnes and I went to Kent Ridge Park (finally!) and walked the various trails. It did not take long as it is not all that big at the peak. After that we headed to..
East Coast. Nuff said.

Saturday: picked Agnes from her place at around 5. Came to my place. The weather played havoc with our plans. We had wanted to bring Camou to the dog run but the inclement weather put paid to that idea. We just kinda hung out at my place before heading to Wah Hoe's for a late dinner. Mum and dad were nice enough to drive Agnes home after that.

sexybloggers!!

It all began with a picture of Wendy (Xiaxue to the rest of you)...



Then Mr Miyagi and mr brown gave it a go...



...now all the bloggers are getting in on the act...

even animals and beings from galaxies far,far away...

So calling all you bloggers out there...join in this journey of lunacy and get a picture of your looking skywards with your tongue out...

who knows...you may even get discounts at Local Brands if you show the above (face not blog) to retail assistants at their shops. Offer end 31st March.

my side of the story

If anyone has read Nadia's blog and is wondering who the person in question is...it is ME!

I make no apologies for it. I do not know why she even brought it up in the first place. There is a time and place for everything. And the time and place for it was NOT WHEN YOU ARE CHATTING ONLINE WITH MY GIRLFRIEND WHO HAPPENS TO BE AT MY HOUSE USING MY PC. With that said I do understand nadia has her insecurities and all having known her for quite a few years.

I think that the people who know me would know that its a huge insecurity of mine. Which was why I was taken aback when someone I've known for quite awhile told me I should grow up and not be a spoilt brat.

I do not see the logic in why she even brought up the 'chubby' comment in the first place. It is taken out of context and I already explained and made my peace with her regarding it at the time of the afore said incident. For God sakes she asked me a question and asked me for my honest opinion.What was I supposed to say?

Granted, I am not super skinny, but I am not obese either. I know all that.

But, I AM sensitive. It's not about fudging the truth for an ego boost. Come to think of it, what is wrong about getting an ego boost? When someone has fallen, do you continue to rub their flaws in? Or do you encourage them to get better, or downplay the situation?

I have never brought up issues regarding her weight issues...ever. The only time the issue is even touched upon is when SHE brings it up. Yet now I am the bad guy in all of this for something said a while ago that had nothing to do with the issue Agnes and Nadia were discussing today. It is all very perplexing and disconcerting. I am just gonna put it down to a mis-communication and that both of us got off on the wrong side of bed this morning. For now...unless nadia has anything more to say on the matter...