an epiphany

Acceptance....

Love......

Trust.....

Respect.....

I guess I look for these in all my relationships be it with friends,family or colleagues. Very often I find myself feeling void and disappointed when people react to me in a negative way. I feel down when people do not accept me as a person.I thrive on trust and respect.When there is none to be found I feel short-changed and outraged even. I picture myself as being likeable and easy to get along with, if a little introverted.

Every once in a while I find myself in conflict with someone it really tears me apart. Case in point is Poh, our relationship or the lack thereof. I just cannot accept the fact that he and I just cannot get along. It got only worse when the Lyn issue came along and he got upset or angry in turn everytime we went out together. Or maybe the dynamic of the relationship between Khim and I over the last year or so. I felt so betrayed when she did things that were not in my best interests or so it seemed. I hated being taken for granted and having my pride taken away.Being treated like a second class citizen in my own home.
Joyce being upset with me after recent non-events were in my view even more traumatising than the actually break-up we had months ago. I felt comfort in the fact that although we were no longer an item, that we would always be friends no matter what happened. When Joyce stopped taking my calls and replying my SMSes I was devastated! She did not even give me a chance to explain or even give me the reasons why she was doing this.

I guess I am extremely sensitive to how people perceive me. I cannot comprehend in my finite wisdom why anyone would dislike me or hold a grudge against me.I do not see why I had to always be handed the short end of the stick just because the other party failed to recognise any value in my person. I never quite came to terms with how a person could just discard a relationship that I had so treasured so much like a bad habit.

I should somehow realise that I am not a perfect person and despite what I think myself to be that I am not everyone's piece of cake. There will always be people who will conspire against me. Circumstances will not always be in my favour.There will even be people who hate me! I cannot be all things to all people. There is little gain in falling into depression and feeling rotten that people do not appreciate me. I cannot fully expect people to fit into my world of ideals and love me inspite of myself.

The only thing I can do is to love myself, love those that love me and love those that hate me even more than either!

Sake and wine

Went to Ten's place for dinner.I got there early and did not get to help out in the kitchen.Instead I played xbox in the living room.Was fun for a while but I got bored in a hurry. I really like what Ten and Peilin did with the place. It has this hybrid zen and balinese deco thing going on. It is kinda cool and not your run-of-the-mill HDB flat.They really know how to think out of the box (which makes you wonder what they were doing in the box in the first place).
4 of Peilin's friends came over and I had the dubious distinction of being the one to cut the cake for everyone which was an obvious ploy to get me to interact with the gals being that I was the only unattached one in my group. I did not manage to get their numbers or anything but they were obviously intrigued by this scrawny guy with the corny sense of humour(I tried...by God...I tried!!) :P
Dinner was spagetti,chicken wings,salad and rojak(???).After that we had the afore mentioned cake,followed by a wonderful yoghurt dessert brought by Poh. There was also red and white wine to go around.I guess all the guys felt a little high but there was no brawling or naughty sexual deviance going on.
We also managed to view the wedding video (*yawn*except for the scenes me and Joyce were in),looked through the wedding pictures (*yawwnnnnn...) and ate till we dropped.

After dinner I dropped Faezah and Hasli at Chong Pang and then drove towards the general direction of Rachelle....

editors note: Poh drove in the wrong direction and ended up at the Sembawang end of Sembawang Road...but I digress....

Filled petrol....

Drove to Rachelle's place to pick up the little lady.

We 'agreed' to go to Mr Bean's for our 'coffee' session as we were getting kinda tired of the prata thing already.

When we got there we instead crossed over to the sushi place where we had sake and an assortment of raw and cooked foods. It was Rachelle's treat!!
After that we crossed over to Mr Bean's for drinks and cake. The Chocolate Truffle was great!Rachelle was entranced by the doggie at the next table...much to my chagrin...just joking....I think...

After we had settled things there we drove over to my place....to...errrm....look...at my...errr....PETS! Rachelle had been dying (not really...she was quite alive actually) to see Camou. So I took the opportunity to let her play with Camou. Initially Camou was rather shy and barked at the stranger in his midst...but as all stories have happy endings....in no time the two of them were nuzzling one another in the finest traditions of animalistic love.Rachelle also found much delight in my resident cats namely Monk,Poison and to a lesser extent U.J.

I went to the car to get my digicam to take pics of Camou and his paramour but Rachelle wanted to go back as it was getting late.*sigh* Another day another picture opportunity I always say.To be honest I have never said that..ever.

So I did my usual routine...drove the girl home...yadda yadda....u know the rest...

Got home, turned on my PC and chatted to Rachelle and Neeven for a bit then went to sleep.

Korean discovery tour

Friday

Was planning to go to Bible Study.Had not gone for some reason or another over the last few weeks.(Joyce...Joyce...where art thou?)I was but a moment away from Millenia Walk when Maybel SMSed me asking me if I wanted to go and eat at the korean place we went before at Heeren. So me being me,agreed.But it was peak hour in the city on a Friday night so after much ado I got to Maybel's workplace.She was held up so I scouted the building and drank 2 Yakults from the vending machine in the lift lobby. Then did some bible study in the back seat of my car til Her Highness arrived.

We ordered off the ala carte menu this time as we had the $10 voucher from our last visit which could only be used as such.During dinner Luna (aka as crabby or ah mah to her chatroom friends) SMSed me that she was participating in the Gold 90 FM car boot sale at the Kallang stadium car park on Sunday.Since she was a mutual friend of Maybel and I we agreed to meet up with her at the food court place at the basement of Le Meridien where Luna was meeting Peggy her bestest friend in the entirest world.
After dinner it was raining cats and dogs(and other domesticated animals!) so I gamely agreed to drive from Heeren to Le Meridien without noting that it was also the afore said Friday night. It took us nearly 20 minutes to get from the car park of Heeren to Orchard Road itself due to the jam.We (meaning I) parked at Orchard Point(?).It is that sleazy shopping complex where Fire used to be.By then the rain had subsided and all the animals had returned to their respective owners. We met up Luna and Peggy at the food court.Luna is not hard to spot in a crowd. We tried this great thai mango rice dessert that sells for $4. After a bit Vera and her son (i forget his name) joined us.
Being the little goody-two-shoes we are Maybel and I left early to go home and our respective mummy's would be worried.

Loooooooooooooooooooooong dulllllllllllllllllllllllll dayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.....

Saturday

Was gonna meet Rachelle for coffee in the evening but other than that was free to do whatever I pleased. I had so many ideas what I wanted to do including finally going to Sungei Buloh,visiting Haw Par Villa, driving aimlessly,playing KOTOR, going fish shopping, catching a movie and going to Labrador Park.In the end I stayed home cooped up in my room all day.When even had cometh Rachelle had not yet calleth.So it turned out she was busy with her girlfriends til around 1130.After that it was too late to meet up and she was feeling kinda tired so I let her off on the promise that she would give me a treat the next time we met.

The rest of Sunday blog

So after leaving Bukit Batok, I rushed to church as I could still make it for the 2 pm service. I smsed Maybel but she was at home due to a sequence of events,so I had to go it alone this time...again.

Midway through the service Carolyn smsed me asking me which service I was going to.She was going for the 4.15 one so I told her I would see her in the queue after my service ends. Carolyn is one of those I do not see often enough. Her dad was so happy to see me. Hee hee..

Anyway, Carolyn made plans to perhaps meet on Monday with the disclaimer 'if nothing comes up'. Well...I am at home writing this so obviously she has not called me yet.

Anyway back to my epic story,after reluctantly parting company with Carolyn I dropped into Carrefour to grab some stuff and then proceeded to go home. On the way, I sms-ed (I seem to sms more than anything else) Maybel to see if she was free for dinner.Well she was so I picked her up from Ang Mo Kio central and we went to Thomson Plaza.

I felt a craving for KFC,but apparently it was closed for renovation/upgrading.It seems like they are gonna do a KFC+Pizza Hut thingy based on the signages posted outside. In the end we chose to fill our stomachs with Swensen's. We ordered fries, brownie ice-cream, buffalo wings, fish baked rice, breaded chicken, a milkshake...I think I missed a couple...
The thing I like most about Maybel is her similar taste in food. The woman loves to eat almost as much as me which is fun,unlike some of the other girls I go out with which eat almost like birds.It usually ends up that I eat less than I would under those circumstances as it is kinda weird to have someone picking at their salad whilst you tuck into your seafood platter. I guess that is also the reason why I enjoy the company of Lyn and Joyce so much.*sigh*

After dinner we walked around Thomson Plaza as a few years have transpired since she last been there and it has changed so much since then. No longer the dowdy dull shopping complex it used to be. It even has its own Starbucks now!We shopped and stuff for a bit (with Maybel spending what seems like 'heart pain!!' amounts).After that I did the usual thing I do after going out with a girl,I sent the girl home.I wonder if i even need to write that.It seems most of my blogs end with me sending the said girl home...would be kinda cool to once in a while just drop her off at a nearby bus stop for some variety!

Later that night Rachelle smsed (again!!) me asking me if i wanted to meet up for 'coffee'.Funny why we refer to it as 'coffee' when neither of us has ever ordered that when we meet up. The closest to coffee we ever came to was teh halia.Anyway in the end we mutually decided against it for reasons I should not discuss here. Lets just say;'adult beverages' had something to do with it.

a foreboding...

I was supposed to meet Rebecca on Sunday. We were gonna either go to the beach or to go to the zoo (two of my favourite places to go). It was gonna be fun. I like meeting people and making new friends.This was no exception. But I could not help but feel something was not right about Rebecca.It was just a still small voice inside of me telling me to beware and proceed with caution. I am usually quite unreserved when it comes to meeting people especially girls.It got to the point that I asked God to protect me from all evil that came my way. Anyway to make a short story long, Sunday came and I drove to Bukit Batok to pick her up. When I got there I SMSed Rebecca. She told me she was going home and 'bye' in her reply.

Ordinarily I would be upset that I had driven all the way from home to Bukit Batok all for nothing on a Sunday nonetheless.But I really do think if we had met something might have happened that I may have regretted.

Praise the Lord for he is good and his love endures forever!